Christmas is approaching, that magical time of year when our minds can take a break from real-life drama and we can focus on more pressing issues, like ranking holiday movies. It’s Christmas movie season, a period filled with cheer, glee, and a touch of absurdity. Some films make you laugh, some make you cry, and others make you wonder how they were ever made in the first place. With the help of the vast and mysterious beast known as the internet, our columnist undertakes the challenge of evaluating these cinematic gems—or perhaps just glittering lumps of coal.

First up, we have a classic: “A Christmas Story.” Touted as one of the best, it takes viewers on whimsical escapades centered around the desire for a Red Ryder BB gun. Despite being from the ancient time known as 1983—a year that also delivered us the joys of leg warmers—it manages to remain relatable. Yes, it earns a solid B. If you haven’t seen it yet, let’s hope you don’t end up in permanent detention for skipping holiday classics.

Treading into the territory of modern holiday fare, “Elf” enters the scene. Our columnist considers Will Ferrell’s journey through the North Pole and New York City as enough to nab a respectable B. Sure, it’s celebrated for its charm (and plenty of syrupy sweetness), but can we really call it a cinematic masterpiece? Perhaps it’s best enjoyed between bites of sugary Christmas cookies rather than dissected in a think tank. And then there’s “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” A finely crafted concoction of slapstick and family dysfunction, it’s another B. Surprise, surprise! It’s almost like the ‘90s sitcoms of our youth—delightfully chaotic.

Now, let’s talk about “It’s a Wonderful Life.” This one’s an A+ without question. Jimmy Stewart’s portrayal of George Bailey is nothing short of heartwarming. Seeing a man confront the depths of his own despair and emerge with a renewed appreciation for life is the sort of uplifting narrative the world needs amidst holiday shopping chaos. Who needs therapy when you can just watch a man unfold the meaning of existence during a snowstorm?

But wait! Let’s ease our hearts with a strange little gem known as “Die Hard.” Is it a Christmas movie? The battle rages on! It takes place during a holiday party, features familial themes, and if nothing else, it brings Bruce Willis into our hearts, smirking through explosions. Although it navigates an action-packed plotline, it deserves an S for sheer entertainment and the wonderful chaos that comes with it.

Finally, let’s clear the cobwebs of obscurity with “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” This timeless Dr. Seuss classic barely squeaks by with a C, sinking lower for its overexposure in recent years. Ah, commercialization, thy name is Grinch. And while we’re at it, we should give a tip of the hat to “Miracle on 34th Street.” While the 1947 version carries a nostalgic weight, one could argue it presents a rather bleak portrayal of New York trying to process the arrival of Santa Claus amidst some rather unsavory goings-on. Nonetheless, it earns an A for its powerful performances.

As the holiday season rolls in, we find there’s a flick for everyone’s taste—funny, heartfelt, or even absurd. Whether you’re cozying up with a classic or grappling with a new release, one fact remains: it’s challenging to find real-life cheer amid the holiday movie madness. But if we can know our “S” from “F,” perhaps we can hold onto the Christmas spirit just a bit longer. So grab your popcorn, snuggle in with loved ones, and remember, there’s nothing like a good holiday movie to remind us all that family, laughter, and the occasional existential crisis are just a film away!