It seems the Department of Justice has been busy taking bold steps this week, ensuring that anyone who decides to throw a party at a place of worship without an invitation gets a proper escort – by that, of course, we mean shiny handcuffs and a trip to the courthouse. The uproar began when a group of professional rabble-rousers decided a church would be a perfect venue for their latest antics. Spoiler alert: it did not end well for them.
The first headliner is Nikima Armstrong, known far and wide in Minneapolis for causing a ruckus, especially when there’s a TV camera nearby. Apparently not content with just torching police stations during past protests, she took on a church, believing her celebrity status would save her. Homeland Security had other plans, however, and Nikima found herself getting a crash course in federal law, specifically about religious freedom. One would think a seasoned TV guest would learn to dodge cameras, but that’s tough when they are capturing you getting hauled away.
Enter William Kelly, another star from the rogue’s gallery. While he saw himself as the director of his home-brewed action flick, recording his confrontation with churchgoers, the FBI decided it was their turn to call “cut.” It seems weaponizing a camera and verbal tirades against children and worshippers isn’t a best-selling movie script. Kelly’s hard-hitting question to pastors about the wardrobe choices of Jesus only brought him a one-way ticket to explain clergymen fashion choices to a judge.
Rounding out this trio of misadventures is Sha Teal Louisa Allen, showing us once again that school board members need hobbies – preferably ones that don’t involve getting arrested. She too joined the hall of fame for being apprehended and has become a unique talking point for toxic white masculinity conspiracies. Surprisingly, it seems like toxic masculinity wears a neat uniform and an official badge these days.
Meanwhile, the chatter from the media sidelines provides its own dose of comedy. CNN, renowned for its hard-hitting avoidance of hard questions, gave Nikima a prime-time slot, where supposedly incisive journalism turned into a friendly chat over tea and cookies. One wonders if their interview notes got swapped out for a gossip magazine.
The moral of the story: if you decide to impersonate a churchgoer as your latest eccentric protest, don’t be surprised when the arm of the law decides they’re the party-crashers. The DOJ has made it clear they’re bringing the whole ensemble to justice, including, potentially, those who are still waiting in the wings for their turn in the spotlight. Stay tuned; this courtroom saga is just getting started.
