In the ever-wacky world of New York City politics, Mayor Eric Adams has come up with a solution for the city’s crime problem that will have you scratching your head – and maybe rolling your eyes. Instead of beefing up the police force or tackling the root causes of crime, the mayor has decided to spend a whopping $1.6 million in taxpayer money on panic buttons for business owners. Yes, you heard right: panic buttons. It’s almost like he’s running a theme park, not a major metropolis.

Imagine being a business owner in the Big Apple. You’re trying to keep your livelihood afloat, possibly dodging crime like it’s the wild west. But fear not, because with the press of a button, you can alert the police! Just like calling for room service at a hotel, only this time, it’s to report a crime. Because, you know, business owners aren’t dealing with pizza delivery—it’s about staying alive out there. But who says technology can’t be used in crime fighting, right?

One might wonder, has anyone introduced Mayor Adams to the Second Amendment? A pocket panic button might not be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about personal safety and protection. And what about the men and women in blue? They’re itching to do their jobs, but policies and politics seem to have them tied up like a pretzel at a ball game. The folks in charge are busy figuring out how to install buttons instead of badges.

You can’t help but wonder if Mayor Adams missed the memo about enforcing the law or prosecuting criminals. Maybe he just misplaced it in the midst of some bureaucratic paperwork shuffle. Putting in a panic button instead of tackling the mental health crisis or adding more cops to the streets seems like a curious choice. But hey, in New York City, sometimes the solutions take a detour that rivals the subway maps.

So, if you’re a career criminal, booking a one-way ticket to NYC might seem like a swell idea. It’s a land where the mayor spends generously on panic buttons while the average Joe witnesses the occasional felony over lunch. With this new plan, Mayor Adams seems to have provided criminals with an unofficial red carpet—one panic button at a time. Bravo, New York City!