Buckle up, folks, because there seems to be a whirlwind of confusion and mystery swirling around the White House, and it ain’t about who forgot to unplug the Christmas tree lights. According to Republican investigators, the latest revelation could be the mother of all presidential scandals, bigger than a cat wearing glasses. Yes, indeed, there are whispers that Joe Biden might have taken a backseat presidency, and someone else was apparently steering the ship—or at least signing all the documents.
Where in the world is Joe Biden, you ask? Not at the forefront, it seems, unlike those aviators he loves so dearly. Biden has been as rare as a unicorn sighting on cable news, popping up in public just enough to make folks wonder if he’s practicing the art of vanishing. The latest eyebrow-raiser involves a peculiar bruise on his face and some droopy expressions, which critics say look like signs of someone under the weather, perhaps not just physically, but mentally as well. In any case, the massive dent in his public appearances has left people scratching their heads—or maybe just their chins.
As if this presidential jaywalking wasn’t enough, the plot thickened when sleuths uncovered that Biden’s signatures during his presidency all appeared to have come from an “autopen.” Apparently, an autopen is a gadget that can imitate a person’s signature flawlessly—like your high school buddy who nailed forging their parent’s signature for a PE excuse note. Can you imagine signing off on presidential pardons and legislation with a robotic arm? Well, that’s the claim. It makes one wonder just who was actually sitting in the driver’s seat over the past few years.
Throw in some cabinet meetings where reportedly Biden was more of a ghost figure, and it paints a picture of an administration that was operating on muscle memory. While Biden’s signature was getting a workout, he was more likely vacationing or missing from action, leaving cabinet members to fend for themselves. Was anyone actually minding the store, or was an autopen guiding the decisions of the free world?
Critics are howling like banshees on a full moon, calling for accountability and justice. They say if Biden wasn’t signing anything, then who on earth was? The Justice Department will have its work cut out, investigating whether Biden’s mental fitness—or lack thereof—allowed unelected officials to make decisions without his thumbs-up. Conspiracy theorists may have struck gold this time, but whether this saga ends with an explosive resolution or fizzles out like a dud firecracker remains to be seen. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left pondering this wild ride in U.S. history, like flipping through a TV drama that just can’t be real.
