In the latest episode of “Starbucks Shenanigans,” which sounds like a terrible reality show where baristas throw coffee beans at each other, a lady decided to make a statement by ordering her drink under the name Charlie Kirk. Now, for those who might not be in the know, Charlie Kirk is a conservative activist who’s definitely been in the news for stirring the pot, and not the coffee pot at that. When her drink was ready, instead of calling out “Charlie,” she thought it’d be a real head-turner to bring it directly to her without making a fuss.

Now, one could argue that this could be seen as excellent customer service. I mean, who among us hasn’t dreamed of being served our pumpkin spice latte with a side of political commentary? But the reality here is that it takes quite the political imagination to think that a coffee order can somehow serve as a red cup of healing in a world that seems increasingly polarized. It’s kind of like going to a funeral and bringing a clown with you for moral support – it just seems a tad misplaced.

This whole scenario raises a question: how does calling out Charlie’s name solve anything? Imagine standing there in line, waiting for your Caramel Macchiato, and suddenly the barista shouts “Charlie’s here!” It’s like, who does that help? The lady sure feels she’s honoring someone’s memory, but at the end of the day, the only one getting a caffeine rush is her.

Then there’s the whole angle of forcing speech. It’s a little like being required to partake in a sing-along against your will – and let’s face it, nobody wants to hear that out of tune. Freedom of speech should be about the ability to voice your thoughts without someone else drowning you out, like a toddler in a tantrum who thinks screaming is a valid form of communication. When people start demanding you say specific names or concepts, that’s not so much freedom as it is an overzealous game of verbal hopscotch.

Instead of being a tool for unity, it ironically highlights the struggles of communication in today’s society. It’s cute to think that insisting a barista shout out a name is going to promote healing, but in reality, it’s more about getting attention. It’s a bit like waving a giant sign that says, “Look at me! I care!” Every time someone does this, it completely detracts from the real conversation that needs to happen.

So the next time you’re in line at Starbucks, maybe consider ordering your drink under the name of your favorite political figure just for laughs. But remember, the coffee cup is not the right medium for political healing. One does not simply vent their grievances through a cup of joe. After all, isn’t it time we had more conversations over coffee rather than shouting names like it’s an Olympic sport? Let’s save the showmanship for the stage, and keep our coffees drama-free.