In a world where laptops are simply relics of the past, forgotten behind heaps of laundry and outdated technology, one particular laptop has become the focal point of political intrigue that would make even the most convoluted spy novel look like a picture book. Enter the infamous Hunter Biden laptop drama, which, as we all know, isn’t merely about a clunky piece of machinery. No, it has evolved into a scandal that rivals the greatest plot twists of our time—a true testament to the modern age of journalism, or perhaps the complete absence of it.

Picture this: a political commentator, exuding confidence like a contestant on a reality show, declares the laptop situation one of the biggest scandals ever witnessed. Isn’t it delightful how some folks possess the ability to escalate a mere digital storage device into a titanic controversy? Sure, we all know the tale by now: Hunter Biden’s laptop, a veritable cornucopia of questionable choices and emails, raises eyebrows that many claim are permanently affixed to their brows in disbelief. And yet, there remains a group of self-proclaimed gatekeepers of truth, united in a steadfast commitment to bury it deeper than how we bury our late aunt’s heirloom salad fork at family gatherings.

One can’t help but admire the deftness of these defenders, especially when they assert that the contents of the laptop cannot be verified. This, despite the fact that Leslie, a fictional character who might or might not just be a humble peasant girl collecting firewood, likely wishes her own scam of obscurity had such powerful backers. After all, who wouldn’t want to be part of a system where documentation can only be dismissed when it poses a threat to one’s agenda? It’s as if, in the grand theater of politics, the actors on stage adopted a curious method of acting: “If we don’t want it to be true, we won’t check the lines.”

Let’s face it: five days in hiding does sound like an exhausting prep session. Hunters can take refuge, strategizing their escape plans while they tuck into their favorite snacks—perhaps a pint of ice cream for emotional fortitude while seeking the perfect response to challengers. The irony is, instead of Iron Man, we get a reluctant Peter Parker, ready to wrestle debate questions, but only after finding safe harbor at home. Meanwhile, the rest of us sit back, popcorn in hand, fully aware of the circus that unfolds in slow motion.

What’s truly remarkable is the ability of left-leaning media to sidestep the issue entirely. While our fictional Leslie may trot off on her wood-gathering quest, major news outlets seem to have adopted a separate set of standards where the truth can be strung along like a festive banner, or rather, not strung up at all. It’s almost inspiring—if one weren’t disheartened by the absurdity. Rather than dive headfirst into rigorous investigation, they reserve their energies dissecting the minutiae of irrelevant content, leaving the real story languishing like last week’s leftovers.

So, as old Uncle Sam continues to roam the vast fields of politics, we’re left wondering if laptops, much like Thanksgiving leftovers, will ever fully disappear. The more they’re tossed aside, the more mystery they seem to hold, acting as metaphors for all that is wrong in the world of political discourse. But fret not! As long as a quirky cast of characters keeps the storyline going, America will remain entertained by the highs and lows of laptop reveals, hiding politicians, and, of course, all the comical footnotes that come with the funhouse mirror reflection of today’s media landscape. After all, if politics is a circus, we might as well bring our best viewing snacks and enjoy the show!