It seems like just yesterday that the airwaves were filled with images of a peaceful transition of power. Fast forward to the present, and the scene has morphed into something akin to an apocalyptic movie—minus the zombies, of course. With the upcoming inauguration of Donald Trump being a tightly secured event, one can’t help but wonder if our nation’s capital is preparing for an extraterrestrial invasion rather than a mere swearing-in ceremony.
The planning committee has shifted the venue indoors, but they assure everyone it’s not because they couldn’t find a good venue for the number of attendees. No, it’s because they fear an onslaught of drones armed with dirty bombs! For those of you keeping track, that’s not the usual reason for holding a fancy pants ceremony indoors. Who knew that the biggest rivals to the ceremonial grandeur of an outdoor inauguration would be drones circling ominously over Washington, D.C.?
Witnesses report that military aircraft have been buzzing around like bees attracted to a blooming flower, scanning the city for nuclear threats. That’s right, folks. You could argue that the only sights more unsettling than last year’s political ads are these helicopters hovering above, looking for signs of nuclear irregularities. The Department of Energy’s scientists are on high alert for anything that deviates from the regular ol’ radiation levels of D.C. It’s a curious situation when the government’s peak concern seems less about actual presidential duties and more about some rogue individual with a flair for dirty bombs.
In this unusual preparation, there’s no shortage of personnel on the ground. Over 25,000 law enforcement and military members will be stationed in a grid-like formation across the capital. It’s organized chaos at its finest! Among them are almost 8,000 National Guardsmen, all decked out and ready to spring into action—presumably against anything from a flat tire incident to a heart attack among the crowd. One has to wonder, will someone be stationed specifically to prevent the infamous “wrong way on a one-way street” snafu?
The city will be transformed into a veritable fortress, adorned with 30 miles of anti-scale fencing and multiple layers of security. One can only hope that they have enough resources to handle the indignities of post-inaugural traffic. That’s the real challenge—keeping drowsy inauguration-goers from becoming hangry while waiting for their way out of an event that feels more like a war zone than a ceremony to celebrate democratic principles. It’s a stark reminder of just how turbulent the political climate has become and, frankly, how far we’ve strayed from simplicity. Is it ceremonial security or a metaphorical bunker mentality? Either way, America’s political scene is anything but dull these days!
