In the marvelous land of capitalism, where discounts are the lifeblood of the shopping experience, a curious phenomenon has emerged on this most hallowed of consumer days: Cyber Monday. You might have noticed it, too, as the sales echo across the internet with tempting promises that make one question reality itself. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by the idea of buying a new iPhone and receiving a free MacBook Pro in return? Because apparently, magic exists, and it comes at the low cost of just $65. But wait—are our wallets really that fat, or is this just the latest episode in the absurd sitcom that is modern retail?
This year, Cyber Monday is serving up deals so outrageous that it feels like a discount sorcery show. You’re greeted with advertisements welcoming you to take 80% off every item in sight, as if retail therapists from every mall in America came together to concoct a potion of fabulous prices. Just picture that gleeful shopper—let’s call him Dave—who thinks he can secure a brand-new television, a home gym setup, and delicious snacks from his favorite gourmet popcorn shop, all while only worrying about whether or not he hit “checkout” before his frozen turkey in the oven burns. After all, in a world where one can save 30 cents by using a code that literally tells you how foolish you are, who wouldn’t launch right into that shopping spree with reckless abandon?
Let us pause for a moment to appreciate the sheer absurdity of it all. Netflix is currently offering a deal on their subscription model—$24.99 a month! Did the marketing team bury their heads in a pile of cash and lose all concept of reality for just a moment? It’s as if they thought, “What do people really want? To pay more for the privilege of watching reruns of shows from 12 years ago!” Meanwhile, Amazon, that magnificent behemoth of e-commerce, provides free shipping for Cyber Monday—a tantalizing offer, which, holders of Amazon Prime subscriptions may find rather familiar. Free shipping? Why, thank you, my gracious overlords, for lavishing upon me what I had already come to expect!
The saga continues with beauty influencer deals, like the infamous James Charles palette that’s now, get this, 10% off! Ten percent off of what? The initial price it should have never been set at in the first place? Who are these deal-seeking demons scouring beauty products at steep prices hoping for a mere smattering of savings? At this point, it feels like a sign of the apocalypse when you realize that the discounts are meant to look appealing, while the reality is just a financial mirage—a flicker of hope in the midst of a sandstorm of spending.
As the retail world spins on its dizzying axis of monumental sale announcements, one might wonder if there’s some underlying truth in all this madness. Perhaps the lords of capitalism are merely trolling us. Is that really a bargain, or is it a mirage meant to distract us from our crippling need to manage our spending habits and face the cold hard truth about our cultural obsession with consumerism? Whatever it is, one things for sure: we need a shopping intervention—or at the very least, a coupon that provides wisdom on the actual value of yes or no when it comes to the glittery promise of discounts. For now, the shopping frenzy will fade, but it leaves behind the distinct taste of irony, bitter and sweet, that only a day like Cyber Monday can offer.
